Asking for it

Asking for It

Vivia Chen

July 22, 2011

Girlfriends, let's be honest. We complain an awful lot about not being treated fairly. You know, how the guys seem to get what they want: better assignments, better bonuses, and more fame and glory for the same (and sometimes less) work.

We bitch about this constantly--behind closed doors at the office, on e-mail, and over drinks after work. But how often are we speaking up about what we want with the people that count--the head of the department or whoever has real clout? Probably not often enough.

Peggy Klaus, a executive coach, writes in The New York Times that despite "diversity training, mentoring, and sponsorship programs," women "still lag far behind men in reaching senior management," holding only 14.4 percent of the executive positions at Fortune 500 companies. One reason for this, writes Klaus, is that women tend not to make demands:

Whether from fear of being perceived as too aggressive or too selfish, women tend not to be comfortable asking for what they want. And when they do ask, it can be in ineffective ways.

Often, women's speech is peppered with tentative and indirect phrases that scream a lack of confidence, such as, "I’m not really sure, but you could try it this way," or, "Now, I’m not an expert, but . . ." or, "I think this is a good idea--do you?"

One approach, writes Klaus, is to focus on the bottom line. If you're asking to work more days from home, for instance, stress the fact that you will be accessible and that it'll help your efficiency.

In Glasshammer, career coach Ann Daly offers a very helpful four-prong approach to getting your boss's buy-in:

1. Ask, "What's the policy?" Or, "What are the criteria [for advancement, raise, etc.]?" By asking this neutral question in a neutral tone of voice, you send multiple messages without making a direct challenge. First, there should be a policy, or set of criteria. Second, you speak and think in objective business terms. Third, you won't be willing to accept vague, unsubstantiated, arbitrary decisions about your career advancement.

2. Know your worth. Don't assume that your boss is keeping track of your achievements. Sad, but true. Make it a habit: At the end of every quarter, document your accomplishments. . . . Use this exercise as a way to figure out the best metrics for your job, and use these documents to prepare a killer annual report. Be prepared to casually communicate these objective metrics whenever your boss veers into la-la-land.

3. Keep score. Career advancement isn't just about your performance. You are also in competition with the performance of your colleagues. So make sure that you keep a private written record of who gets what raise or promotion based on what track record. If push comes to shove, you'll have a set of objective "comparables" to strengthen your own case for advancement.

4. If you want it, say so. Nature hates a vacuum, and so does your boss. If s/he doesn't know what you want, s/he will make it up. And thus creep in all those regressive fantasies about what women want--or don't want. So speak up! If you want an overseas appointment, say so. If you want a rotation, say so. If you want more responsibilities, say so. If you want your boss's job (eventually), say so.

The bottom line, says Daly, is to take charge of the discussion: "She who sets the terms of the debate usually wins."

http://thecareerist.typepad.com/thecareerist/2011/07/asking-for-it.html