Influencing Lives Through Key Words

October 2022

Have you ever considered the long term affect you can have on people, just by telling them that you do or don’t believe they are capable or talented in a certain way? When you give an employee or a loved one feedback on their performance, do you think about your choice of words, knowing your phraseology has the potential to either inspire them to achieve even greater things, or discourage them from even trying to improve in the future?

Can you think of a time when someone you greatly admired surprised you by telling you they believed in you, or disheartened you by pointing out your incompetence?

If such conversations have ever impacted your self-perception, either positively or negatively, then you know how important key words can be, especially when conveyed by an admired role model in praise or in criticism of your character or ability.

I recently read a short, real-life account by scientist and mathematician Dr. Douglas G. Frank, which described how the way his father once praised him influenced his life ever after. His story, titled What You Say Matters, goes like this: 

A former employee sued me once. His claim was groundless, and he knew it. He said, “You’ll settle, because that’s the way the system works. I was sued this way once, so now it’s my turn.”

Well, I wasn’t gonna pay, based upon the principle of the thing. So, we went to court.

My father just happened to be visiting me on the day of the trial, so he accompanied me to the courthouse. While we were waiting outside the courtroom before the trial (while the attorneys haggled) my father confronted my former employee. He said, “My son is the most honest person I know,” and then proceeded to scold him for his lack of integrity.

The thing is, I could not care less about the small settlement I ended up paying.

What I will never forget—as long as I live—is hearing my father passionately telling someone else that I was the most honest person he knew.

Words are very, very powerful things.

And that single phrase has influenced my life ever since… I want to continue to be the most honest person my father has ever known.

Parents, think hard on this. Your children will aspire to be what you challenge them to be; make sure they know the potential you see in them. Speak to them, and about them, accordingly.

And speak to others, and about them, accordingly.

Have you ever experienced such a life-changing episode—all due to someone you so revere choosing a certain key word to define you—that it caused you to forever aspire to manifest that characteristic they espoused?

I have. And I will never forget that episode. In fact, it had such a powerful impact on me and how I’ve lived my life ever since, I wrote about it in my first book, The WOW Factor Workplace: How to Create a Best Place to Work Culture. 

In a nutshell, about mid-way into my corporate career, shortly after the technology company I worked for was acquired by another global enterprise, I was asked by the Executive Committee to determine if it would somehow be possible to reincarnate a failed business unit—one originally established as a pet project by my new CEO / Chairman.

I knew immediately that this was an extremely high-visibility assignment, one many corporate insiders thought to be impossible. But my team and I offered a new set of eyes, unencumbered by the “but we’ve always done it this way” mindset. To make a long story short, against all odds, my team and I devised a very novel approach that essentially saved the day. Virtually no one thought it could be done, but we did it.

A few months later, the executive leadership team and all the sales organizations from across the company assembled at a large hotel in Dallas, Texas for our annual sales conference. As hundreds of us excitedly waited in the lobby for the ballroom doors to open for the kickoff of our multiday planning session, I noticed someone rushing through the waiting crowd, headed in my direction. It was my new company president, Fran. I certainly recognized him, even though I had not yet had a chance to meet him.

As he approached me, I saw a huge grin on his face. He exuberantly shook my hand and stated with enthusiasm, “I just had to meet you. I hear you are fearless!”

Fearless?

I had honestly never thought of myself as fearless before. But those impactful words instantly touched the core of my very being and informed me in no uncertain terms that I now had a new reputation to live up to. I certainly wouldn’t want to let our president, or anyone on the Executive Committee, down.

With those five words, I hear you are fearless—with “fearless” being the key word—Fran sent me on a lifelong journey to prove to myself that I could be fearless in the face of any challenge. Ever since that time, I’ve been on a relentless mission to inspire others to be fearless, too.

I’ve also discovered over time that what Fran did for me is precisely what best-ever bosses do. They inspire people to be far more than they ever thought they could be. Best-ever bosses give people their full support. They let them know they believe in their uniqueness. They applaud them when they succeed and encourage them even when they don’t.

As a result, people love to work for these leaders. They’ll do anything for them and forever give their all to live up to their expectation, because they would never want to disappoint them—even long after they are gone.    

As you go through life, remember this. Find the good in people—their uniqueness—even if all you see is but a tiny spark. You never know what kind of passion you just might ignite in them—whether they are a child, a peer, a teammate, a neighbor, a superior, a spouse, or someone sitting next to you on a park bench. Tell them, and others, about that unique trait you most admire in them.   

With a little encouragement, that one key word just might change their life. And you never know, it might also change the world.

All you have to do is say the word.